Cleaning causes chaos

I have decided that cleaning up a cluttered area just causes more chaos.

I have been trying to clean up my studio.  I have a piano studio that I teach out of part time.  It also has my desk and my card making stuff.  It also ia a place to stash all my fibre for spinning and dying.  Then it became a place to stash all the supplies for the up-cycled sweater coats.
Now it looks like a dorm room had a party in there.

I decided to clean up.  Start with one wall and work around.  All it seems to have done is push the stuff like a snow plow around and made it look worse.

The kids de-cluttered their rooms this past weekend and brought up all the stuff they don't want.  Some of it I am selling, all that is stored in the living room. 

The working parts of the 'for sale' stuff is all over the dining room.

Right now it looks like I should call the producers of Hoarders and get an intervention.

Wifey made a beautiful new up-cycled pixie coat and I wanted to take a picture of it.  I tried to frame it to miss all the crap piled up in the room and decided to not even try.  It was futile.  Then I alsmost started taking picutres of the piles and laughing at the total absurdity of it all. 

Ah well - I have the weekend at home and I know what I will be doing!

Tomorrow night I get to take my lovely daughter to her tap solo festival competition.  Should be fun - I haven't seen her dance this number yet so it will be a surprise :)

Spring Festival

I went to Spring Festival of Awareness over the last weekend in April.  This is the largest metaphsical festival in Canada and it is super close to my house. 

Anyway - I didn't know exactly what my goal was there this time so I just showed up.
I had committed to doing a total of 6 hours of tarot readings in exchange for my entrance fee being waived.  I also had to sent up vendor stuff to sell.

I got there, set up, chilled out a bit and the did 6 thirty minute readings in a row.  My brain was cooked by the end of it.  After that I sat in the grass and ate some food and then went to the opening ceremonies. 

The opening ceremonies started with a bunch of dancing and singing in a very large group.  That was fun.  There was lots of laughter and movement and fun.  After about 40 minutes of that we all collected chairs and sat down to recieve a 'Oneness Blessing'.  A lovely gentleman explained that this blessing is given by a select few people who have studied in this specific school in India to channel energy and project it to everyone there.  It is a rare thing and few experience it in North America.  I have a very open mind but even this one left me going . . . ok . . . right . . . . I will be polite.  All I can say is I have no idea what happend but it was amazing.  The woman who was in a trance just sat on the stage and looked at everyone one but one.  Whatever energy was flying around that place was rather magical and I can't even put into words the physical sensations.  After that the lovely ladies who brought their crystal bowls played them for awhile to regoup and bring everyone back to reality for the announcements and instructor introductions.

Saturday morning I attended a Shamanic Sound Journey.  This is a combination of shamanic rhythmic breathing and listening to the sounds of didgereedoos, gongs, bells, drums, etc.  It was transformational in a sense that your whole senses were overloaded and you kinda just floated.  I went into a very deep meditation and loved it.  I would do that again anytime!
Lunch I just hung out.
Afternoon I went and lent a hand with a good friend of mine in her workshop as she has been ill.  I was just there for support.  We did 3 past life regressions.  I sucsessfully completed 2.  The first one was a bust for me and I just fell asleep!  Ah well.
Supper I flaked on the grass again, visited with people and relaxed.
Evening was a Crystal Bowl Chakra Meditation.  That was super fun.  I have done Crystal Bowl meditation many times and I can feel the vibrations of the sound penetrate right through me.  It is a wonderful feeling.  Some fine it annoying and nauseating and can't stay in the room.  I just sink into the sound.

Sunday was another 3 hours of tarot readings.  Then I went and supported my friend again during her class on Tarot - it was cool.

Overall I had an amazing and relaxing weekend.  It kinds hit the re-set button on my spiritural side.  That was a good thing.

Z is for Zen

I can't believe this challenge is at Z already! 

SO I spent the weekend being exceptionally zen.  I went to Spring Festival of Awareness and got my meditative zen on big time.  It was amazing!

I spent many hours in blissfull peace and quiet.

This this morning - work crisis after work crisis, found out about 5 deaths of people - none of whom I know but all who affect people I know, and general chaos. . . . .

Can I go back out to the spiritual place now?

Y is for Yup

Yup, Nope, and Sure.  These words are ones I use when I am non-committal.

Yup - means yes but I have a casual view of it
Nope - means no but again I have a casual view of it
Sure - fine, if I have to, don't want to but feel I have no option of getting out of it.

I try to not use these words as they don't respect or valued the people I am using them with. 

I am trying to get them out of my vocabulary - I want relationships and communication with those in my life to have value and be honored with honesty and respect.  This kind of causal and wishy-washy communication does not value or respect anyone.

X is for X-Ray

I find X-Ray's quite facinating.  To me they look a lot like an ultra sound picture . . . blurry.  I wonder how anyone can see things on it!

I wonder if x-ray techs and ultra sound techs have special eye sight requirements for their job.  To me it is all shadows and blobs. 

My children think that x-rays are facinating - they like to see what is inside their body.  I am not such a fan of them as it means there is a NEED to see inside their body and probably means they have broken something. 

The bonus of breaking something is the cast!  Oh the colors. 

And I digress . . .

Of to catch up with my 'Y' and 'Z' posts . .

W is for Watermelon

Watermelon is one of those odd things in our house that everyone understands if you are part of our family but no one else gets.

My son is a watermelon fan.  He loves it so much that his dream is to find one large enough that he can cut the bottom off it, insert his head and eat his way out. 

One year he ever recieved a mini watermelon wrapped up under the Christmas Tree.  He drew a face on it, named it, carried it around for a bit and then chopped it up and ate it.

I have never seen someone be able to eat as much watermelon as he can. 

I love the stuff too but there is a limit!

For him it isn't even a love of the theme of watermelons.  He doesn't want to collect them or decorate with the colors - he just wants to eat them!

He is a funny kid :)

V is for Variety

Variety is the key to moving forward in anything you do.  If there is no variety then whatever you are attempting to do gets boring and the passion leaves and things stagnate.  At least in my life that is what happens.

I have fallen into a rut with weight loss.  I am down 40 pounds and have a LOT more to lose.  This is not a 'get skinny' plan, it is a 'get to a healthy place' plan.  I have fallen into a rut eating the same thing at the same time etc.  My body has adjusted.

Today is day one of adding variety to my eating habits and shaking things up to remind my body what we are doing here! 

I think I crave a bit too much variety in every day life.  I get a rush of excitement when I have a new big project or task to do - even if it is a boring spreadsheet to build.  It is totally fun to start something - it is the finishing that holds me up!  I don't like it to end.

Anyway - back to my variety of food for the day . . . except the coffee.  I am keeping my coffee!

U is for Uppity

People who are uppity make me laugh.  If the term uppity is not in your vocabulary then I am not overly surprised.  It is a term I used to refer to people who are overly tense, proper, look down their nose at you, and are generally judgemental.

I am not uppity - I am the complete opposite.

I have never understood the need to break another down to raise your self up in your own mind.  I just do not get it.  Uppity people get so worked up over things that really have no bearing on life in general.

I have tried to understand, I have tried to listen to see if I am missing out on a part of life by being so relaxed about stuff.  I just can't seem to get worked up about what other people are wearing or how my friends actions make me look etc. 

I have even tried to learn from the cast of all the 'Real Housewives' shows.  I have decided that New Jersey was my favorite because they are hysterical.  Then New York because of the Countess - lots of Uppity lessons from her.  The OC because they live in their own little world and I think that it may be nice to visit.  Now Atlanta is an odd collections of ladies.  Then Vancouver started and I thought maybe I could relate to my Canadian peeps on the level of Uppity . . . oh my.  I didn't even last an entire episode - not sure what they are drinking in the water in Vancouver on that side of town but wow . . . . I will skip it next time I visit.

So I go back to my non-uppity life and hang out and just generally exist. . . . one day maybe I will understand what I am missing.

T is for Totally Overwhelmed!!

I have this problem of getting WAY too many good ideas.  Now I have hit crunch time on my good ideas!!!!

In 4 days I will be heading to this amazing thing called Spring Festival of Awareness http://www.issuesmagazine.net/index.php?Itemid=65&id=70&option=com_content&view=article

I have only ever participated in the past but this year I am attending as a vendor and a healer.  The healer bit is not too stressful - I show up for my sessions and do my thing.  The vendor bit is slightly more stressful! 

We are selling two things . . . First is the glass beads that the lovely wife makes . . .
http://www.etsy.com/people/critterrescue?ref=si_pr
and that is just a part of the inventory.

Second are the new adventure of the upcycled fairy coats/ armwarmers/ hoodies/ hats etc . . .
https://www.facebook.com/#!/DeadFishResurections

It is all totally exciting and popular and fun and makes it possible to explore a partial living on being an artist!  I am super thrilled about it.  This week is going to be nothing but manufacturing, inventory, price tags, packing and organizing.  I started last night and all it made me realize is how much I still have to do. 

I don't mind being totally overwhelmed in a good way like this - it is completely exciting.

S is for Solace

I think everyone needs a place of solace in their life. Mine currently looks like chaos puked up all over it. It is difficult to focus on work or creativity or being sane when your studio space looks like someone moved in, didn't fully unpack, and then had the room tossed looking for stuff. Yesterday I sat in there looking at all the furniture trying to figure how to reorganize and settle it. S is also for Stuffed. My son just went nuts on a rare treat of pizza and looks like he is expecting a set of pizza triplets. It is hard to focus on anything other than giggling at him!

R is for Ritalin

A day late but here goes . . . My lovely son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was between grades 1 and 2. He also has a whole other myriad of diagnosis but this is the one that is the hardest to manage. We have tried diet, routine, environmental shifts and finally medication. He has extreme ADHD and we must use diet, stimuli control, behavior supports and a lot of patience on top of the meds to manage. The Ritalin is a savior. As he is getting older and understands the biology of his brain we are looking at other solutions. So far the meds are still essential. I am sad that meds like this get abused because they give certain people the ability to live a productive life. I used to have a prejudice against stimulant medication until it came into our life and allowed my son to function.

Q is for Quantity

The person who dies with the most crap wins, right?  Wrong!
This is just how our society seems to deem worth - is on quantity of matierial goods.

I discovered how much of an issue I personally have with quantity of stuff when the show Hoarders came on, then Hoarding: Buried Alive came on.  Around my house these shows are not lovingly reffered to as Cristin's Therapy.  Yeah . . . seriously.

I have never gotten that bad but the issues are there.  The emotional attachment to stuff, the clutter blindness, the lack of concern when things start to pile up etc.

It is not that I like the look of it, I don't.  It just simply doesn't bother me as much as the average person.  Every week I have to go through the house and make the effort to clear off the old paper bits, throw stuff out, find another pile of things to sell or donate etc.  It seriously takes effort on my part to do what average people do daily.  It just does not come natrually to me.  Seeing what that problem can become keeps me in check.

About 2 years ago we finally had some semblance of organization in our house, then my father-in-law moved in for a couple months while he got settled.  We rented a storage unit to put the extra stuff in to make room for him.  Two years later he is still settled in nicely and has not plans to move out.  He is also not healthy enough - mentally or physically - to move out on his own.  So - we gave up the storage locker, sold a ton of stuff and crammed the rest in corners and cupboards and campers and sheds to go through.  We are doing that bit by bit but it is exhausting.

The other issue is the artistic nature of our family.  Everyone (except my son and my FIL) love to create stuff.  In the house currently are looms, brewing equiptment, a leather shop, yarn, fleece, metal working, bronze casting, sewing (LOTS of sewing stuff), knitting, lampworking, jewellry making etc, etc, etc.

We really need a couple of extra rooms to sort and house this stuff.  It does generate a revenue but it takes room and time and workspace.

Currently the studio I teach piano out of is a catch all for this vast amount of stuff that I stash before my students arrive and then it explodes afterwards again.  It is very labor intensive.

My goal these days is to reduce the quantity of my stuff and increase the quantity of my human interaction with friends.

Quantity can be a good thing - when it is about the right thing!!!

P is for People Who Just Don't Listen

When I was living in Victoria, BC and going to University we had a habit of moving . . . a lot . . . like every 10 - 12 months.  Always looking for the better and cheaper place to live.  Needless to say we went through a lot of phone numbers in our time there.

At that time Telus (the phone company) would reassign phone numbers after 3 months of no use so it was essential to have a new phone book or just be patient with a lot of wrong numbers.  This was before Canada 411 for looking up phone numbers on-line as well.

SO . . . about the same time as the moves a certain Canadian gas station was renovating all their store fronts which shut down their business for about 4 months - so guess what . . . when we moved into a neighbourhood where there was a gas station renovation just finishing up . . . we got their old phone number!  Fun times. 

For ease of description here are the weird terms you need to know:  Petro Can is the name of the gas station.  Shelbourne & MacKenzie is the major intersection where the renovated gas station lives.

SO - we move in and we get many, many phone calls asking for the Shelbourne and MacKenzie Petro Can.  We would politely explain the mix up, direct them to find a current phone book and life would go on.  There would be the odd confused person that would take longer to convince them we were not just workers that were slacking!

One weekend morning we were all home (my, my hubby and our two roommates) and the phone rings.  I answer it with a standard "Hello?" and this is the how the next few minutes went . . .

"Hello?"
"Hi - is this the Shelbourn and MacKenzie Petro Can?"
"No - this isn't.  They have changed phone numbers.  You need to get the new phone book and call that number.  This number has been reassigend to a residential number."
"Oh - ok.  Thanks"

1 minute later the phone rings.

"Hello?"
"Hi - is this the Shelbourn and MacKenzie Petro Can?" (voice is the same as above caller)
"No - I just spoke to you and explained that they have a new number.  You need to find the new phone book and call that number.  This is a private residence."
"Oh - ok.  Thanks"

we all look at each other and shake our heads.
1 minute later the phone rings.

"Hello?"
"Hi - is this the Shelbourne and MacKenzie Petor Can?"(voice is still the same as above caller)
less polite this time "No - again this is a private number.  Please look up the correct number in the new phone book."
"Oh - ok.  Thanks" (seriously . . . again she said the same thing)

we all look at each other and roll our eyes and laugh a little at how special some folks are.
1 minute laster the phone rings again!
My husband grabs is and this is what we all hear him say . . .

"Good morning - Shelbourne and MacKenzie Petro Can.  How can I help you today?"
"Oh really, ok - what day was that?"
"Saturday is busy but we could do Sunday"
"Yes 9am sounds good"
"No - just bring your buckets and supplies and whatever signs you need"
"Excellent - see you then!"

He arranged a carwash for this girls soft ball team as a fundraiser!!!

We felt bad, kinda - but honestly . . . .
We almost got lawn chairs and popcorn to watch the show at 9am on that Sunday morning but we slept in and missed it.  Still don't know what happened!

O is for OMG!

OMG has become the polite way of declaring shock or amazement.

I would first like to say that my faith has nothing to do with this post.  This post is created out of my amazement at the lack of respect many people have for another's faith.

We don't have people decalring OMB (Oh My Buddah!) or OMA (Oh My Alah!) or any other thing like that.  But we as a society have become comfortable and familiar with using God and JC as an acceptable term of shock, amazement, contempt and swearing.  To me this is disrespectful of the people who hold Christianity as a faith.

I try my hardest to NOT use this slang but it slips out.  I try to teach my children not to use this slang and why.  I also try to spread the awarenss of respect and understanding and tolerance for all religions, races, choices, etc - regardless if I agree with them or not.  People make these choices and as long as it makes them happy - who cares!

OH - and I am not a Christian.  I was raised Catholic and it never took.  I explored religions of the world during university, I spoke to different people, visited different services, read tons of books etc.  None of them really fit except one.  Of course, the one that fit with me of course is one of the most mis-understood of them all but hey - so is the rest of my life!

So I live my life Wiccan and by the belief of 'As long as ye harm none, do as ye will'

N is for No

No is a word I struggle with.  I have what you call helium hand - people ask if anyone wants to volunteer to do something and my hand magically floats in the air.  I don't want it too . . . it just happens!  I am the queen of overcommiting myself to tasks and jobs.

I work very hard and curbing this.  I take a chaperone to voluneer committee meetings, I have been known to sit on my hands, my partners have been known to contact the coordinator ahead of time and tell them I am not allowed to do jobs etc.  I think one time, when I was contemplating taking on a large job for a National voluneer group he asked if there was enough money in their bank account to pay for my divorce . . . . it was all in good fun but he got his point accross!

My kids have zero problem saying NO to things.  They are old pros at it!

My most difficult tasks to say NO to are the ones that spark my creative energy - I get totally energized when I am excieted about a project, and then that project ignites another project and so on and so on etc . . . . .

It gets overwhelming when my music studio is drowning in fiber and fabric and my dining room table is lost under piles of sweaters being up-cycled and my chair that I relax in is like a spiked fence because there are knitting projects stashed in the cusions . . . . sigh . . . .

M is for Meditation

Meditation has always been a mystery to me.  For years I wondered how just sitting quietly and living in your head could be helpful.  That is becaue my head is not a quiet or restful place to be!  The buddists call it Monkey Mind. 

In the spring I started going to a weekly meditation group.  The first few times I really struggled but I was assured that even meditation takes practice.  Finally it started to become easier and I found that every time I went to the group it was like a re-set button on all the stress and tension in my body and brain.  Now I can't even imagine life without mediation.  We have had a break from the group because the woman who leads it has been away and ill.  I now have to take the leap and do some independant mediataion and that scared me a bit - not sure why, but it does.
Through meditation I have also discovered Metaphysics.  I have always know the word but less about the overall philosophy.  I am still learning and there are so many things that I don't understand but it is interesting.

Lots of M words today!

My overall favorite M word is mom.

I also love the word making because I love making stuff.

L is for Landschneckt

Landschneckt is word that most people have never heard of but in my circle of friends is a common and frequetly used one.

It is used in reference to historical costuming.  It is one of the most flamboyent and fabulous times of fashion that existed.  The sheer size and scope of the feathers on the hats is enough to make any self-respecting Vegas showgirl or drag queen squee with delight!!

I have learned over the years that my research and experimental archeaology obsession with textiles gives me a vocabulary and knowledge base that is not standard.

The fact that I have a Warp Weighted Loom that visually dominates my dining room, a table loom, 4 narrow band looms, a basket full of spindles, 14 sheep fleeces, bins and boxes and shelves full of fiber in all states of processing, a seperate set of pots for natural dying etc, etc, etc

I also have a hoard of fabric.  Not crappy fabric either - good fabric.  All wool, silk, linen, etc.  When we measured it it was over 500 meters.  Then we bought more, and more, and more.  So we sold a bunch.  We are probably sitting at around 250 - 300 meters at the moment.  I think it breeds . . .

Right now the newest textile obsession is up-cycling old sweters into pixie coats, arm warmers, and hoodies.  Tons of fun!

I decided a few weeks ago that I really need a Patron - you know an arts patron that gives me tons of money to just create and be artistic because they like to support the arts . . . . yup - that is what I need.  Know of any?

K is for Kawai

Kawai is the brand name of my piano.
I started playing piano when I was 5.  I took lessons and practiced and slacked through my playing for my enitre life at home.  By the time I was graduating from high school I was at about a Royal Conservatory Grade 9 playing level but my technique sucked!

I never gave it up.  I played for fun and enjoyment. 

One day I decided to go back to it seriously - I actually sat my Grade 8 exam and passed.  I got all the way up to Grade 4 History and Grade 2 Rudiments.  I need to do Harmony now . . .

I am working on Grade 9 - I have been for a LONG time.  I just can't seem to commit to it.

I also teach. 

I have spent countless hours in front of that word - Kawai - the first A is just above Middle C.  It was my starting point. 

I don't think I could ever live without my piano -

J is for Jig and Just never giving up

Jig - I love the happy feeling I get in my soul when I see someoen dancing a jig.  I think it is impossible to be depressed or sad while dancing or watching someone dance a jig. 

I never learned how to dance the jig but it is one thing that I would love to learn - problem being that my body would never support and endure such a physical feat!  Fibromyalgia is a bitch - just sayin'!  I refuse to give up my life to the syndrome but it does put some limitations on me.

Having Fibro is a crazy roller coaster - somedays you feel like you always have.  I guess your own personal normal.  Other days you feel like your brain was sucked out of you in the middle of the night by aliens and replaced with Jello.  I have had days where I swear I was run over by a truck in the night and no one left a note.  At times food won't digest, at other times you just can't be satisfies by food.  Emotional roller coasters, anxiety, depression, and borderline insanity all occur and random and unpredictable intervals.

Drug trials are possible - these intensify some symptoms and reduce others - all of which is an exciting thing. 

The most frustrating is the memory issues commonly known as Fibro Fog.  If you have anyone in your life with Fibro please be patient with them around this.  It is a frustrating thing to not be able to access your brain.  It is kinda like you have misplaced the keys to the filing cabinets in there.  You know the information exists, you can almost physically feel where it should be, but you can't open the thought.  Then - at 3am it hits you.  You feel like an ADD kid off their meds and blurt out things at the wrong time because you know if you don't you will forget.

So - every morning I wake up and shuffle out of bed until the body loosens up.  I wander the 5 blocks to work - with fibro in the morning I don't walk . . . I wander or saunter or casually stroll.  I ease into the day with my coffee (doubles as a heat pack for my dumb frozen jaw).  Try really hard to focus on what I eat to stick to my WW plan - really struggling these days.  I sit a lot at work as I work in an office.  After work I casually wander home.  Then I try to find the motivation to do things like laundry and dishes and general maintenance on the house.  I do a lot of textile creation as I can do that sorta lounging on my big comfy chair drinking tea.  Then I for some reason wake up around 9pm and am ready to tackle the world. . . . argh!

Oh - and all through that there is the chronic pain and fatigue.

My mantra in life is "The pain is not doing damage, the pain is not doing damage . . ." so I don't let it beat me . . . just gets exhausting!

SO - I wish somedays I could Jig to show happiness and because then I would own a different body.

I is for Inconsistent

Inconsistency is something I struggle with - both as a parent and a partner. 

I find that if you are inconsistent as a parent then your kids walk all over you, but there are times that hard and fast rules need to be discusses because the environment we live in isn't hard and fast. 

I think the place where I struggle the most with this is in the realm of BDSM.  I haven't discussed this aspect of my life in great detail because many times it generates more questions in myself than I have the ability to answer, but this word is the reason I have all those questions.

There are a few different types of people who partake in the lifestyle.  Weekend warrior types - they like the parties, they like the clothes, they like the few hours of adrennaline and risk taking and having a totally different experience than their regular life.  Many of these types take the lifestyle into the bedroom and keep it there. 

There are the type who have a specific long term bdsm relationship with another person.  This is a power exchange based relationship and they make time to have sessions, engage in that power exchange and many times there is no sex involved.  BDSM is not about sex.  It can come into play at times, but most times it is about the control - either taking it or giving it - and the sensation/pain/endorphrine rush that accompanies it.

Then there are the 24/7 types.  They usually live together, they have elements of the power exchange in all aspects of life.  It is a wonderful dynamic if done right and adds a depth to a relationship like I have never experienced.

I have been through all facets of these dynamics.

I found that, in a submissive mindset, I need consisitency and I am very needy.  This is unlike me in my 'mom-mode'.  I also have a very difficult time flipping back and forth between the two head spaces. 

In the lifestyle my hubby is a dom and my wifey is a switch (can be dom or sub).  The dynamics that have evolved with the two of them are strong.  I have drifted away from the lifestyle a bit because I struggle seeing her in a sub role while viewing her as a dom.  It bends my brain.  He cannot commit to the level I need and I cannot seem to deal with the level that either one of them are capable of providing.

It has left a rather bizzare result.

I am hoping that one day it will resolve but for now I am on the outskirts looking in to this lifestyle and trying to reconcile my needs and wants with my reality.