Saturday, 31 March 2012

Saturday Mornings

I really love quiet mornings.
Wifey is at work.
Hubby is sleeping.
Son is playing on FB.
Daughter is relaxing and watching a movie.
Father in Law has retreated to his room.

This allows me a few minutes of "ahhhhhhh" in my day to drink hot coffee and think about what I have to get done.

Today's exciting adventures include laundry, sewing dance costumes, sorting out my music studio, baking and cooking, and hosting a couple friends who have generously offered to come and assist with some vehicle repairs. 

As much as I usually think my chaotic life is 'normal', these quiet mornings are rare and allow me to become way more centered and focused about what I need to do. 

Before I do anything else - turn up the heat and pour more coffee!!!

Friday, 30 March 2012

The daughter's boyfriend

Our 14 year old has a lovely boyfriend.  She keeps many of her friends away from the house because her younger brother drives her nuts and she is also not sure how to explain that she has a dad and 2 moms who all live and sleep together.

So - yesterday we took the plunge and explained the poly nature of our relationship.  He said he kinda figured it out already and he didn't care.  He then helped make dinner, ate with us, helped clean up and walked her over to her friends house. 

I have to say it was a wonderful experience for her to have.  This young man is quite lovely and sweet to her.  He is far more ready for this relationship that our daughter but he is being very respectful and going at her pace.  I think he knows that she would squish him like a bug if he doesn't.

This has brought up many things for me.  The whole poly relationship really isn't that weird to people.  The popularity of Sister Wives and Big Love has captivated the interest of many people.  What confuses them is that we are a triad, we are all involved with each other.  That seems to make them more accepting and bend their brains all at the same time. 

We are never overtly public with affection, ok sometimes we are, and it is always up to the kids to tell their friends and share with who they want to share with. 

We have been living this way for over 3 years now - it is amazing how much my life and my perceptions of life have changed.

In addition to acceptin my sexuality, my kinky side and battling my jealousies I have also developed a hightly spiritual side which takes me on another completely differnt journy.  RIght now that journey involves completely decluttering my environmnet and living with less. 

I have always teetered on that hoarding behavior of hanging onto things because it has an emotional attacment or I may need it someday.  I have blown through that and am purging like a mad woman!  It feels awesome.

I am really looking forward to this weekend and getting rid of more stuff!!!

Thursday, 29 March 2012

Ice Cream and Gummy Bears

This combination is a particular favorite of mine - with chocolate syrup.  I have no idea why I think the idea of super cold and chewy gummy bears is good - but hey, it works!
On Sunday was my son's 13th birthday.  He didn't want cake - he wanted banada splits (banana optional as he just really wanted ice cream and candy toppings). 
SO . . . I forget that I have had jaw surgery in the last 4 months and think that eating my favorite combination is a good idea . . . .

Let me tell you this - it was a BAD idea.  It was an even worse idea to do it again 2 days later . . . .

The left side of my jaw is soooooooooo sore. 

Serves me right . . .

Blogging A-Z Challenge

Going to give this a shot . . . . 2 days until it starts!

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Regain Focus

During the fall months I did a lot of internal work to regain focus in my life.
It seems the past 2 months have done much to blow all that work up.

One thing I do know is that to regain focus I need to look forward and not back.

I am spinning a lot on my birthday - or lack thereof this year.

I am the person who asked that a big thing was not done because we are trying to be fiscally responsible and make sure that money is spent on things we need - not want.  I just felt that it passed by with recognition of any kind. 

I need to figure out how to accept the attention and the celebration with me as the focus.  Many times I push away that attention because I don't know how to accept it.

I push my two partners together with each other more than I take time with them myself because I am not sure how to just enjoy that one-on-one time.  This issue has definatly gotten worse over the last 6 months or so.

The things that make me feel grounded and centered are mostly solitary activities - piano, making stuff, writing, meditation, reading etc

The only one that is a 'group' activitiy that either of them can participate in is shibari or needle play.  Both of these require that I figure out how to participate in that part of my life on a casual basis.  My brain seems to think that I need a consistent and continuous type of interaction in the bdsm level - I can't just have a session and be done with it.  The intimate connection it forms is very intense for me and I actually crash hard having to come back out of that deep meditative state. 

Right now I don't have that connection with either of my partners because of other stuff just happening in life.  I have no control over changing it - it is up to them to make the change to enable it to happen.  This leaves me with a lot of frustration because I feel like I am not enough of a priority for either one of them to make that change - I logically know that is not true, but my emotional self is battling with that concept.

In one month I have to be in the right head space to do a weekend of Tarot readings and healings and be able to reclaim my spiritual side so I am at peace and settled with what I learn during the readings I do.  This is going to take some focus on a daily basis to re-ground myself.  This is going to make be be selfish and focus on me.  I find this VERY difficult.

One other thing that helps me to stay focused is writting - I usually blog but my 'family friendly' journal is very sanitized so a lot of things don't get out of my head.  I have joined the A-Z Blogging Challenge so I am hoping that will really encourage me to get on here and ramble about some things in my head.  I like the idea of having a letter a day to inspire topics.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Looking for the positive

I have had a less than stellar birthday weekend - mostly due to financial crunch - but I am working really hard at finding the silver lining here.

I try hard not to get bogged down in the quagmire that is negativity.

I will let my thoughts sit for a while and see if I can come up with something more productive to write about other than 'birthday's suck'