Wednesday, 22 February 2012

New quote

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option" - Anon.

I have been staring at this quote for over an hour.  I knew it applied to me when I got pissed off at it.

I have confused this as the right way to be for years thinking that if I was just good enough that would change.  Once the bdsm aspect enterd our lives this seemed to be the way it was viewed but it never felt right.

I don't think that I should be an option - I think I should be a priority.

Some days it just feels like I am the only one with that opinion so I forget.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

What you get used to as 'normal'

The subject of why my relationship is 'complicated' came up yesterday with someone I know.  I was very honest with them about the poly portion of things.  I thought their head was going to pop off.  Not that we are poly or that I have two partners, but that we all live together as a trio instead of a duo. 

Why is it more acceptable to have two partners who don't know each other?  Why is our society so stuck on the theory that a relationship must only include two people? 

For many years I was one of those duos who couldn't see anything else for my life but I also didn't see that as the ONLY way to live.  My mind was open to other options - just not for me.  Then I met someone else and understood how love can increase and encompass and be okay by sharing it all.

I also find it interesting how many people would be willing to have multiple partners as long as those people didn't have multiple partners.  This just points to how insecure so many people in the world are about their own worth in relationships.

must muddle this one through my brain some more.

Monday, 6 February 2012


There are many types of events in my life:

Medieval Recreation Events
Fetish Events
Pagan Events
Family Events
Volunteer Events
School Events

My calendar just gets clogged and double booked and I feel like I am abandoning parts of my life to participate in others.  My mentor has told me to remember that I am a many faceted person but to never forget that I am whole. 

Rigth now the events that I am missing most are medieval events because i am feeling out of touch with that part of my life as well as missing my friends something fierce.  I am missing being a part of that community.

It seems like I could attend and organize and participate in events all the time as long as I didn't have to work, pay bills, housework, parent, or nurture partner relationships.

This is why my life gets complicated - here is an example of what we are supposed to do on the upcoming weekend - we obviously won't get to it all . . .

Saturday - supposed to go to a neighboring city an hour away and teach fetish classes all day, go to a dinner and then a play party in the evening.  This is a kid free event.
Sunday - up at 6am to head to a neighboring city an hour the other direction to volunteer all day cooking and hosting. This would be a kid free event.
Monday - work all day.  Evening brings me teaching, kids at archery with hubby and wifey and the third anniversary of wifey moving in.
Tuesday - work all day.  Evening brings fight practice for medieval group and valentines day.

As you can see there are many conflicts to participate in these events.  We either abandon the chidlren for the weekend and have adult time.  We divide and conquer but then disconnect as a triad.  We don't attend and spend time as a family.  We do a bit of it all and make the best of the situations.

The weekdays bring their own set of difficulties.

Looking into the future life looks just as crazy.  One day I will figure out how to balance all these events.  Maybe after I win the lottery . . .

Friday, 3 February 2012

Space Challenges

Yesterday was a challenge of a weird sort.

Almost 2 years ago my father in law moved in for just a couple of months to get settled in a new community.  He has never left.  This has caused a huge space issue in our house.

Wifey and I had an office/sewing room.  She sacrificed her office space and we put all the sewing stuff in short term storage for his move in.  Well - he has never moved out so this has caused some major space cruch challenges.

Last night I was trying to clear more space in the dining room - this displaced a bunch of stuff that had just been stored in very akward spots.  Much of it was mine, some was hubby and the kids, but a chunch was wifey's.  This caused a lot of resentment and old feelings to bubble up.  Everything from the intrusion of an in-law to not feeling like she has her own space.

I understand all that - I really do - but we can't just live like hoarders-in-training . . . it is not cool!

We talked about it and the feelings are calmer but the underlying problem is not solved, and I am not sure how to solve it.

Over the last year I have been doing a huge purge of uneccessary stuff .  In doing this I am able to give the stuff I love proper homes.  That is a nice feeling.

Maybe it is time for a huge house shuffle once again - move things around . . . that is always fun!

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

New year, new focus

For awhile I wondered if this second blog was a good idea.  There many days that I barely make it through the day dealing with the 'must-do' list.

The last few months have really changed my perception on life.  October, November and December were very intenseive months for multiple reasons. 

October I took a 3 day intensive Tarot class from an amazing instructor.  This changed my view of the tarot and how to use it as a tool in life.  In November I had my long awaited jaw surgery and was out of life for about a month.  I was also able to participate in a 4 day intensive workshop with the same instructor as the Tarot class covering many deep introspective things.  December I was back at work, finished my course on psychic development, got through Christmas and then New Years.

During all that wifey got bad news - her father fell ill and passed away.  This was devestating for her.  She has not been close to him for many years however it is never easy to loose a parent.  This made much of the holiday a challenge, and rightly so.

Through all this introspection and life changing events I have had much time to re-evaluate my own life and the relationships in it.  Some of it has been great and I have been able to put many things to rest in my head.  In some other ways it has caused some issues that I currently don't know how to hande.

I have realized that sometimes I don't write because I just don't know where to start - Sometimes I wish there was a 'prompt' button that I cold just push and get a topic!  I am sure there is one out there . . . just have to find it.