Sunday, 27 March 2011

And it is Sunday - what do people do on Sunday??

Yesterday I declared it "Adult Lazy Day" in the house so that every adult could choose what they wanted to do without feeling guildy about their choices.  It seemed to go well except that we stayed up a bit too late watching TV. 

I had a disgustingly restless sleep.  I had the most real yet surreal dreams.  I woke up wondering if I really was flying around the house!  I have not dreamt that I was flying/floating since I was a teenager.  I have always wanted it to mean that I am participating in astral projection and that I can just go and wander around where ever I like.  Last night was weird and unsettling overall - mostly because I also dreamt that I was in bed and had sleep paralysis - which sucks.  It happens to me every now and then and it is terrifying.  But to dream that I have it was super weird.

Today was good.  I went to a good friends house who also happens to be an amazing pianist who has started writing her own music.  Her music hits everyone who hears it deep in the soul.  My son lay next to me on the couch and just listened.  He then played her a bit of the music he had written.  It is very simple but musically perfect.  It is not easy to do that - in fact it borders on musical genius that he is able to do it.  The thing is - he doesn't write it down, he doesn't fiddle with it - he just sits down and plays new songs that he hears in his head.  He amazes me.  He loved sitting with her and they played on the piano a bit and talked.  He is looking foward to doing that again.

As soon as we got home my daughter and her friend were babysitting a wee one for another friend of mine.  Caleb was trying to help and doing a good job of it but my father in law just criticized him about everything he did.  Finally my son declared that they should go play outside - I think mostly to get away from his grandpa - but was still criticized about how he was putting on her coat and many other things.  He came into my studio and just started to cry.  I just wanted to walk out and punch the old man but that wouldn't get anyone anywhere. 

Hubby is doing a photo shoot today and wifey is helping him with it.  They won't be home for over an hour - way past dinner time. 

I am having one of those days that even though we have a poly life and I have two dedicated partners, I am feeling really lonely and I don't see much of an end in sight to that. 

Being poly is one thing but adding a level of bdsm and the dynamics that go along wih that make for a very interesting social dynamic around here, one that I never expected to happen, one that puts me on the bottom of the 'pecking order' so to speak. 

I have no doubt in my mind or my heart how much I am loved and cared for.  I simply am not the first in anyone's mind or priorities.  The way the dynamics have fallen out around here I am just near the end.  Today I feel it. 

Dinner, shower and early bed sounds good.

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