Wednesday, 11 April 2012

J is for Jig and Just never giving up

Jig - I love the happy feeling I get in my soul when I see someoen dancing a jig.  I think it is impossible to be depressed or sad while dancing or watching someone dance a jig. 

I never learned how to dance the jig but it is one thing that I would love to learn - problem being that my body would never support and endure such a physical feat!  Fibromyalgia is a bitch - just sayin'!  I refuse to give up my life to the syndrome but it does put some limitations on me.

Having Fibro is a crazy roller coaster - somedays you feel like you always have.  I guess your own personal normal.  Other days you feel like your brain was sucked out of you in the middle of the night by aliens and replaced with Jello.  I have had days where I swear I was run over by a truck in the night and no one left a note.  At times food won't digest, at other times you just can't be satisfies by food.  Emotional roller coasters, anxiety, depression, and borderline insanity all occur and random and unpredictable intervals.

Drug trials are possible - these intensify some symptoms and reduce others - all of which is an exciting thing. 

The most frustrating is the memory issues commonly known as Fibro Fog.  If you have anyone in your life with Fibro please be patient with them around this.  It is a frustrating thing to not be able to access your brain.  It is kinda like you have misplaced the keys to the filing cabinets in there.  You know the information exists, you can almost physically feel where it should be, but you can't open the thought.  Then - at 3am it hits you.  You feel like an ADD kid off their meds and blurt out things at the wrong time because you know if you don't you will forget.

So - every morning I wake up and shuffle out of bed until the body loosens up.  I wander the 5 blocks to work - with fibro in the morning I don't walk . . . I wander or saunter or casually stroll.  I ease into the day with my coffee (doubles as a heat pack for my dumb frozen jaw).  Try really hard to focus on what I eat to stick to my WW plan - really struggling these days.  I sit a lot at work as I work in an office.  After work I casually wander home.  Then I try to find the motivation to do things like laundry and dishes and general maintenance on the house.  I do a lot of textile creation as I can do that sorta lounging on my big comfy chair drinking tea.  Then I for some reason wake up around 9pm and am ready to tackle the world. . . . argh!

Oh - and all through that there is the chronic pain and fatigue.

My mantra in life is "The pain is not doing damage, the pain is not doing damage . . ." so I don't let it beat me . . . just gets exhausting!

SO - I wish somedays I could Jig to show happiness and because then I would own a different body.


  1. Having Lupus I can understand a lot about the chronic pain, fatigue and the ever present 'but you don't look sick'.

    It does get exhausting.

    Have you seen the Spoon Theory? It's a fantastic way of explaining things to others who don't deal with life challenges like this.

  2. You have a true warrior spirit. Hang in there :)